Start with your role
Parents often tell us the hardest part of revision season is not knowing how much to ask. Too little feels negligent; too much starts an argument.
You are probably not the person who will learn the content, and it helps to say that out loud. Your job is closer to that of a good production manager: protect the conditions, notice what is getting in the way, and leave the actual work to the person doing it. That shift tends to lower the temperature at home, because you stop being the person who checks and become the person who helps.
Routines that tend to hold
- Agree it together, once. A plan the young person helped write is easier for them to follow than one handed down. Our free revision timetable is one way to draft it together at the kitchen table.
- Keep it small. A short, regular slot beats a heroic plan that falls apart by Wednesday.
- Protect food, sleep and breaks. These are not rewards for finishing; they are part of the plan.
- Agree a check-in time. One planned conversation a week, at a calm moment, replaces a dozen anxious ones.
- Know the dates. Keep the exam timetable from school, and our key dates calendar, somewhere visible, so that nobody has to ask what is coming.
- Make the space easy. A clear surface, a charger and fewer distractions help more than motivational speeches.
Conversation starters that are not interrogations
Closed questions such as “Have you done your revision?” invite a one-word answer and a bad mood. Try questions that are curious and easy to answer.
- “What is on your plate this week?”
- “Is there anything I can take off your hands at home?”
- “What would make this week feel more manageable?”
- “Which subject feels hardest right now, and what has got in the way?”
- “Do you want company, a lift, a quiet house, or to be left alone?”
Listen more than you talk. If they say they are fine, accept it for the moment and ask again later. A calm, open door usually works better than pressure.
Around exam days themselves
In the days before an exam, aim for quiet and predictable. Check the practical details together a day ahead: where the exam is, what to bring, how to get there, and what time to leave. Have a normal meal ready. Afterwards, resist the urge to go through every question. Ask how they are feeling, offer a snack, and let them decide whether to talk about it.
If a paper goes badly
It happens to nearly everyone at some point. Say you are sorry it felt rough, and leave the post-mortem for later. Once the person has rested, you can ask what they would like to do about the next exam, and whether they want any help with it. Keep the focus on what is still ahead, because that is the only part anyone can still influence.
What to do when you are worried
Worry is normal, and it can come out sideways as nagging. Before raising it, ask yourself what you are actually seeing: a change in sleep, mood or routine, work not getting done, or avoidance of one subject. Describe what you have noticed without judging it. “I have seen you up late a lot” invites a conversation; “you are not trying” does not.
When to ask for help
It makes sense to bring someone in when the same difficulty keeps returning, when a topic is not clicking after repeated attempts, or when things at home are getting tense. Start with the school: a head of year or subject staff member knows the course and the young person. Other help can then be added on top, such as a revision buddy, a study group, a school catch-up, or a tutor.
What a tutor can and cannot do
A tutor can
- Explain a topic in a different way, at the student’s pace.
- Help turn a long syllabus into a realistic plan.
- Go through past questions together and talk about how answers are built.
- Give a regular, focused hour that does not involve a parent.
A tutor cannot
- Sit the exam, or do the work for the student.
- Promise a particular result.
- Replace school teaching, or know in advance what the exam board will set.
- Give medical or mental health advice.
It also helps to be clear about the goal before you start: a topic, a skill, or a steadier routine. You can see how matching works on our how it works page.
Looking after wellbeing
Stress around exams is common, and most of what helps is ordinary: regular meals, sleep, fresh air, time with friends, and knowing that a bad day is not a bad year. Offer to do something together that has nothing to do with revision.
This guide is not medical advice. If you are concerned about your child’s mood, sleep or safety, speak to your GP or school. For general wellbeing advice, see NHS: Every Mind Matters, which covers self-help tips and information on stress and anxiety. In a life-threatening emergency, call 999.
If you would like to read about how the process works before you decide anything, the how it works page is the place to start.
A short list to finish
- Plan it together, then step back.
- One weekly check-in beats daily ones.
- Ask open questions, then listen.
- Call the school early if something keeps going wrong.
- Keep sleep, food and breaks non-negotiable.
If university applications are on the horizon, our guide to UCAS and Clearing sets out the steps and dates as UCAS publishes them.